Wednesday, July 1, 2009

01.07.09.....filth rations


I leave tomorrow for another tour. I will fly from Seattle to Boston to play four shows across the country and then start the actual tour back here in Seattle. Yeah. Trap Them will be out for the following two weeks with Skeletonwitch and Saviours. West coast and then heading towards Texas. In July. The only question in my head is not IF I will get heatstroke, but when.

I've been home for three weeks and have basically torn apart Seattle.....and it kind of felt pretty fucking awesome.

I don't know if this statement will make sense to anyone, but I'm at a point where personal safety is not a concern, especially when I am on tour playing shows. My wife hates hearing me say things like this, and I can't blame her. I tried remaining somewhat calm for a very long time, but the dam finally burst. Fuck it. I was supposed to be dead by thirty....at least, that's what I figured would happen while I was in my twenties. I had a very vivid dream a few weeks ago that the blonde bombshell I sleep next to had passed away and left me to be on my own, and it was one of the worst nightmares I'll ever have. I made her promise that I get to die before her. She looked at me with such sad, loving eyes, knowing I was being very serious. This is what it's like living an imbalanced lifestyle. You cause hurt and fear without even trying. Trouble finds you.


Where am I going with this?


So, I guess where I'm going with this is to say that I'll see you all soon and I'm sorry if bad things happen to you while we're playing as a result of my increasing disregard. Just show up and let's open our wounds together. When you mix blood and sweat, it actually smells very nice.


And, if any of you ever meet my wife, tell her she's a saint in a sinner's body for wanting to spend the rest of her life with me. It still boggles my mind that two sick people can find each other.


Let's fucking rage.

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