prelude to acrylic bliss

let's just assume we're in an alternate reality.

if this was the case, i would be knee deep in new canvas frames, all ready for me to cover in nonsensical arrangements that somehow will be sold for large sums of money and/or bartered for the following: premium kona coffee (NOT kona blend...the real shit....the real real shit), records, jellybeans, and a little pabst for the lady.

i love walking around this city. I spend a good 3 hours a day taking mini trips to no certain destination in particular....it's more just being out in a sea of people, and having the satisfaction of knowing that not one of them knows my name or gives a shit what i do.

i like taking the bus, and giving my seat to an elderly woman who doesn't expect me to.

i like being extremely polite and well spoken when i go into any retail establishment, more to watch the expression on people's faces, as if you're the only one that hasn't talked to them like complete shit.

the FOX network execs should be dragged out into the street and shot dead for cancelling arrested development....it's disgusting how a show as brilliant as this got an axe. i consider it a true american show for this reason.....just like the living and breathing, it's always the smart but misunderstood ones that get left behind.

I find that bryan maclean's voice is one of the most soothing sounds i will ever hear, and both his releases of collected songs on sundazed will go down as lifetime ear candy of mine.

absolutely and simultaneously haunting and beautiful.

one month from today i fly back out to new hampshire, and two days later will begin recording "seance prime".

i'm not quite sure how to explain how excited i am for this. i'm in a band making music that is everything i've always wanted to do. Not many people get to say that...there are always things you want to accomplish but never get a chance to, and for the first time i am able to say that things feel right. This is not to say i still don't spend days at a time with my head in my hands and an overwhelming pain in my heart and back.

that's part of the harsh reality of living with a manic and bipolar personality. unless you take medication, the highs are most of the time outweighed by the lows. the only thing you can really do is deny the lows any leeway. this involves waking from two hours of sleep, and forcing yourself out of bed so that you don't stay there for days on end, which i will readily admit would be all to easy to do.

my stress pains lately have been oppressive, to put it mildly.

not much else to say about that.....it's nothing new. looking back, i've been playing this game with myself since about the age of five. it's weird....i have flashbacks to my younger years, and now knowing what i'm like, and the personality disorders i have, i remember certain times that foreshadowed what was to / has come.

i don't know if fed ex delivers on sundays, but if they do, i'll be need deep in acrylic bliss tomorrow.

if not.....sunday will be book day.....and "find a show" day. i spent a couple years hermitizing myself, and though i don't regret it, i'm elated to be dragging myself back into an environment that i leave with a million new ideas a night.

i'd like to find a good two dozen lost souls out here that want to create music with me, and i'd like to spend every waking moment making sounds and speaking in tongues that the majority of modern society will never understand.

i told someone important to me one time that most people have that one ability or legacy that they will carry with them throughout their pulsed existence.....i was born to fuck things up....and that's what i plan to do.