Black Friday

for anyone looking for info on ordering a copy of "failgivers, volume one", please go to the november 7th, 2007 entry.

..............................................................................................

11/20/07


I could go about explaining this is some overglorified, self-gratifying way but I'd rather just stick to the basics. Even that in itself is fun enough for me. I've been awake for the last twenty four hours with not much to show for it, other than the following:

1-I spent four hours finishing reading a book.
2-watched a total of three films during said awakeness.
3-listened to multiple records by the usual cast in my regular rotation.

All of these collective instances were good enough to consider this bout of insomnia a success. The thing is, as I sit and type this, I am consuming my fifth pot of coffee, so the chances are I will be awake until the sun sets in another eight hours. For most people, this would be a problem, but considering I am now what I would like to consider a semi-proffessional (and dare i say soon-to-be international?) man of leisure, all of this falls under the category of "all in a day's work".
Since my special ladyfriend has now changed to overnight shifts at her job, there is even less reason to sleep. Of course, I'll still take in the sporadic five hour nap but I'm not exactly hovering over the pillows stashed in the corner of our bedroom, waiting for the next slumber session.

I'm gearing myself up for something much more intense....much more crucial.

This can be described in only two words....Black Friday (cue spooky echo and thunder clapping).
Yes...for real. The day after thanksgiving....also known as the busiest shopping day of the year besides the last two days before christmas.
A day where (almost) everyone falls into two categories.
You are either stuck in traffic because you are:

A) waking up at the crack of dawn to go shopping....making a feeble attempt at catching every sale item advertised in over glossy pull out flyers stashed in every day-before-thanksgiving newspaper, causing many a paperboy to wrench his shoulder while trying to carry his usual load with an extra two pounds tacked onto each delivery. Type A is usually reserved for overzealous holiday mothers...it sometimes also includes kids excited about the long weekend out of school, college, etc.

OR

B) you are on your way to your retail-hell location of employment, where you will spend the next eight to ten hours fielding questions from burnt out housewives and/or large groups of college kids that are "home for the holidays".

I spent the last six black fridays doing the latter, working at a larger independant music store chain that sold every possible cd, dvd and toy that every child (in age or at heart) wanted to open from various degrees of santas on christmas morning. I didn't mind it that much. I knew enough to head into the day knowing full well what was about to happen. I was always prepared...a cup of coffee on the way in, a pot of coffee as soon as I clocked in, etc. I also made it my personal duty to find the most frightened of christmas help employees and tell them that if at any point in the day the coffee pot had no coffee in it, they would see a side of me that is only reserved for extreme circumstances. I would give them the serious eye, which somehow seemed more intimidating because of my off and on lazy eye that tends to shake violently when I focus in on something. Say what you want, but it worked. I would spend the day listening to every soul christmas album we had in the store and would be told over and over how i've "saved christmas" because I knew where to find the new 50 cent cd and hand it to another soccer mom hoping to score points with her little ghetto king of a son that couldn't figure out how to get a job and buy it for himself.

Now, I know I said that I am currently a semi-proffessional man of leisure, but this last 12 months is the first time in my thirty years on this mudball that I have not had a job or jobs, so I'm completely within my right to laugh at all the unemployed highschoolers who think they have it rough.

Anyways, this is what I did. I actually really liked working in retail during the holiday season. People were happy. It's the one time of year where you are able to actually leave your job and feel like you got to do something worth showing up for. I mean, of course, you will most definitely "ruin christmas" at least four times because you run out of something that someone wants, but fuck it....not your problem. I've "ruined christmas" hundreds of times and it's safe to say I grew increasingly numb to the guilt.

So, I've decided that in this year of man-of-liesureness I am going to fall under the A category. I want to see the insanity through the eyes of an everyday consumer. I'm going to start my day at five in the morning, cup of coffee in hand.

......and I am going straight to the mall.
yes...straight to the mall.

I'm planning on not buying one thing. I will spend the day walking in and out of the hoardes of people. I'm not very social, so there's a very good chance I will not have to say one word to anyone and will, instead, peoplewatch on the day of all peoplewatching.

I want to see it all....the joy of the early bird shoppers, the horror of eveyone who thinks they will find a playstation 3 or Wii for thier little brats. I want to sit in the food courts and listen to the war stories told from consumers surrounded by ten shopping bags filled with every popular culture item that was given a five star rating in the NY times.
and, the most important of them all....I want to see those three in the afternoon breakdowns supplied by every child under the age of ten that has been involutarily dragged out for the day. They don't last....they never will and when they finally crash, they crash hard. I find it fascinating and highly entertaining...especially because they aren't my children.

Being as this is my first year living in Seattle as opposed to New Hampshire, I may spend the later part of the day walking in and around my new neighborhood in Capital Hill. I'm two blocks from Broadway and about a ten minute walk to the downtown area that will supply me with even more shopping extravegenza visuals.

It may be wrong to hope for this, but I want to come out of this day with stories of near riots. I know I'm stretching but, hey, I don't have to punch a clock on the busiest shopping day of the year for the first time since I can remember....I'm aiming high.